Pussalia's Advice Blog

I’ve had a question like this before.

http://www.pussalia-advice.tumblr.com/tagged/sexuality

Check out that link, it might have the answer you’re looking for.

If she’s really your friend, then she won’t do anything without telling you (unless she makes a mistake, and then you’ll have to work on forgiving her). But you should be able to trust her to think about your feelings. As for the boy, you have no control over that. If he does have feelings for her, you’re going to have to be prepared for that - especially if your friend realizes that she likes him as well. It will be hard, but it’s possible to overcome and move on. Don’t worry over it in the meantime. There’s nothing you can do, so try to keep calm and carry on. If you really do suspect something, you can simply ask her. Good luck, and I hope that everything works out!

I’d say that you have to overcome your fears of talking to a “doctor”. I’ve seen a psychologist after my suicide attempt. And it really really helped me. They’re not “doctors”, they’re ordinary people. And if they’re doing their job right - they create a comfortable place where you can talk freely without worrying about being judged. I know parents might not be too good with this thing, but it might be important to tell them that you want to talk to someone. If it’s an absolute no-no, talk to your school counsellor - they can help as much as they can, and if it’s more then they can handle; they usually set up an appointment so that you can see someone. It’s not good to keep those feelings bottled up inside because they can do some serious harm.

because of ovaries, god damn them.

You can’t “change” someone. You can only spark the will to change, and support them as they do it. Alcoholism is a really hard thing to overcome, I watched someone close to me struggle with it all of their life. They’ve been sober for almost 6 years now and it’s been great. If I was in your position, I’d give them an ultimatum. Tell them that you want them to cut down (maybe no more then 2 beers when he’s out), or to stop drinking altogether or else you can’t continue being a relationship with them. Be serious, and stick to your decision. Because it does sound like you don’t want to spend your life with him if he continues to drink like he is. If he doesn’t try to change his ways - it basically means that he’s picking alcohol over you. If that’s the case, you can’t change him, so you’re better off leaving it. If he decides to try, you have to support him. I’d say don’t jump on his ass if he slips up. Tell him that you understand it’s hard, but that he needs to keep going. AA meetings work really well for some people as well. This is only my opinion though, what you do is really up to you.

Another hard question. You’re 14, and your parents have the right to charge your boyfriend with Statutory rape - if you decide to do sexual things. The best advice I can give you is to approach your parents about it in a mature manner. Whatever you do, don’t whine and don’t say “BUT I LOVE HIM.” Those are big no-no’s. (unless your parents fall for that sort of thing, I guess). Basically, you have to give them logical reasons as to why you’re dating him. Research the consequences, and let them know that you know them. Be grown up about it. It might also help letting them meet him (hopefully he’ll be able to be mature about it as well.) I’d personally abstain from sex until I was at least 16. If he cares about you and does love you, he’ll understand. If not - then dump his ass. I hope things work out to your liking.

Legally, it depends on where you live, but most places - yes. Morally, I have no clue. My sister will be 16 next year and when I think about her dating a 20 year old, it gives me the creeps. But the world we live in today, it happens. I really don’t know what to say to you. If the age difference bugs you, then it’s either a sign not to continue with the relationship - or to overcome that hurdle. If you’re in love and it works for you, then by all means don’t worry about what me or society thinks of your relationship. But I’d check out the legalities of it if I were you. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend/girlfriend to get charged for loving you. I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer.

This is a really hard question. Because it all comes down to personal value. I’ll share a short story with you; I have a boyfriend, but I fell for a girl, and for a short while - me and the girl were very close (confessing love and such for each other). My boyfriend knew, but not to that extent. When he found out that it was more then a tiny crush, he wanted me to stop talking to her. I told her this, and she understood and we stopped talking. But every now and then, usually late at night. I’d hit her up on msn and tell her that I missed her. Then we’d spend the night talking about everything. The next day I’d tell her I was sorry and leave again. This went on about 4-5 more times. After the last time, I started thinking about how this hurt her and my boyfriend - all because I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. So since I realized that I was being selfish, I stopped telling her I missed her, even on the days that I did. Because of that, she was able to move on and me and my boyfriend have been able to grow. So that basis of this story is that, why do you want to tell them you miss them? Because you want them back? (works for friend or boyfriend/girlfriend or family member). Have they moved on? What will telling them you miss them cause to happen? Will someone get hurt because you decide to? There’s a lot of factors here, and I believe that sometimes it’s best just to deal with the feeling of missing someone - because it fades over time. Believe me, I know. It might not ever truly go away, but it loses strength. And lastly, do you care if it has bad consequences? Answer those questions and apply them to your situation and you should have your answer.

Since you’re not asking for advice… I’m really just going to give you what I would do in the situation. First, I have to tell you that I’m stubborn and big-headed. If I choose to break up with my boyfriend, it’s going to be because I want the relationship to end. But if for some reason I started missing him and he called to tell me he was still in love with me, I’d make myself think of all the reasons I broke up with him - and what it would be like if we got back together (how nothing would change). If he started liking someone else, I’d take that as a sign that he’s already able to move on. Then I’d let him, because I ended the relationship for a reason. But realistically speaking, if I really did break up with whoever I was dating, I would probably delete his number from my phone, and try to cut off all contact with him - it would just be easier for me that way. I’m not sure this helped at all, and I’m sorry if it didn’t. I hope you find out what you want yourself though. Good luck Honey.

If he’s single and you’re single then wait until you hit that 18 mark and do what you want. Of course, keep in mind that he might lose his job, that he might just be a friendly guy, and that you might end up being embarrassed. There’s a whole morality thing at play here as well, but as long as you’re both okay with the huge age gap - and you’re both consenting adults (again, when you hit 18), then there’s really no problem here (other then the fact that, again, he can get fired). If you think it’s creepy, or don’t want to start anything here… then delete his number and start looking to him as strictly a teacher. Then maybe you can move on. But honestly, it’s up to you and him to chose what you want to do. Just remember the consequences and don’t do anything too rash before really thinking it through.